There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize