You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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