Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
