Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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