D3 body, D1 cock
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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