HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
