I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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