I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
