I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize