ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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