I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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