do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
