Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
