My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
