No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
