Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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