HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
