No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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