it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
