Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
