You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
