If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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