I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize