Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
