yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
