No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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