So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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