I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
