I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
