Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
