how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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