So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize