YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
