I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
