he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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