Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize