Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She bit a glass in half.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
