had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
