apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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