That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i think my cat just said my name.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
