I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
