I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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