Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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