like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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