like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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