Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pants are for mortals
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Couch. On fire.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
