is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
