I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
