ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
