3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
