You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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