toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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