I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
