I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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