I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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