i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize