HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
