Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
