Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
