she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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