The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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