I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
